Feeling Crappy

Well, I've not posted in several days for a few reasons. One, because I didn't have time to think about it over the holiday weekend and because I've been feeling very negative lately. I think maybe that started Thursday of last week? Not sure exactly, but I swear, it was like a storm cloud came rolling in and I've been in the gloom ever since.

The thing is, I don't know why! We're not in the best-ever financial shape, but we've certainly been in much worse shape. I was doing really well with working out and eating better, had even lost about 4 pounds. So what gives? I think part of it may be another blog I looked at. It's the blog of someone I don't know and the chances of them EVER hearing this are slim to none, but I still won't say who it was. But this person is REALLY great at something, several things actually. And it isn't that I'm jealous of that person's abilities and good fortune. It just hit me that I'm not REALLY good at anything. I don't particularly excel at anything and that just depressed the heck out of me. Even as I write this it sounds silly, but I really think that's what started it all.

And once that snowball of negativity starts rolling, it just gets bigger and bigger and is SO hard to stop! I've tried, really I have. I've made mental and written lists of what I have to be thankful for and what my strengths are. And to be perfectly honest, it's just not helping. I know I'm blessed with family and friends and a job (even though I do complain about it!). And while I don't excel at any one thing, I believe I'm above average on many things. So WHY isn't that good enough? Maybe sometimes we just need to feel blue for a few days. I don't know. Or, maybe like I told a friend at lunch today, maybe it's just a bad case of PMS. That lovely event should be just around the corner, LOL.

I wish I could follow this all up with a post about what a wonderful July 4th I had, but that's not going to happen either. It wasn't horrible by any means, but we just stayed home the entire weekend, except for dinner with my in-laws and some extended family Monday afternoon. And that was really nice. We stayed home because Ashleigh has/had Fifth Disease which isn't a big deal but heat makes the rash "act up" for lack of a better term. And it's stifling hot, so we stayed inside with the wonderful AC. Homebody that I am, this didn't bother me at all. I took my time playing with Ashleigh and doing laundry, etc. on Saturday. Late in the evening, she started getting fussy. Then she would NOT go to sleep. Until 11:30! Then she was uncomfortable and fussy all night. Then WIDE AWAKE at 6am. Ugh. I did take a nap, because I was not doing well Sunday on 3 hours of sleep! She was fussy and needy all day Sunday as well, but slept a good deal better that night. Yesterday she was much closer to normal. I know that raising a baby won't always be smooth sailing, and I just take this past week as a reminder of what a good baby she (normally) is and say a small prayer for all the parents of fussier babies!