Here's why I ask:
Yesterday evening, Kenneth and I got home about the same time. I was starting dinner and he began picking up/straightening up the living room. I jokingly asked if he was expecting company and he grouchily replied that he was just trying to help me out. {He was grouchy from a day a work, and in his defense probably didn't realize he was so ill-tempered when he responded to me.} He then proceeded to vaccuum! I really appreciated that. It's nice to have some help, especially when it isn't asked for. BUT....
Why does part of me feel like a failure when he does that? It makes me feel like if I was a GOOD wife and mother, the floors would always be spic & span, along with the rest of the house. All done by me. I know that long gone are the days when men worked and women were full-time housewives and mothers. {Well, there are some lucky women who get to be stay at home moms, just not me : )} Since we both work outside the home full-time, it's only fair and right that he help with all the housework. So why do I feel guilty when he does?
Any insight on this would be appreciated. (And don't worry. I'll encourage him to do as much as he wants! I might have some conflicting feelings, but I'm not stupid.}
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5 comments:
I feel the same way when Josh up and beats me to something. But...he generally does something later that makes me get over it. ...like his inability to carry his dirty laundry to the bathroom!!!
Don't feel inadequate at all! Maybe he was feeling inadequate and thought it was time he helped out? Who knows Jackie, men are hard to work out! My days off are usually spent cleaning becuase by the time I get a day off the house is well and truly in need of it. But when Dan has a day off he veges out...no cleaning to be done! That frustrates me. You can't have everything though. If everyone was perfect we'd have nothing to blog about!
I think most women probably feel like this. All those years of women doing that is just ingrained in us, and it's hard to get out of that mindset. We aren't superwoman, though...today, men and women are equals and typically both work. So it is only fair that the workload is shared. I say good for Kenneth, taking up his share. You're a lucky girl! And no, you sure aren't stupid!! :)
I think that women of our generation are caught between feeling like we have to be modern career success stories and the pressure to run a perfect household. I understand those feelings of inadequacy, and there are times I deal with that as well. The one thing I can tell you is that if and when Kenneth does spontaneously pitch in, sincerely and enthusiastically express your appreciation. And you know what? It's completely fine to not have a perfect house! Life is too short to spend all of it cleaning things that are going to just get dirty again. As long as the place remains liveable, relax and enjoy life!
I use to feel the same way! But believe me, now after 13 years of marriage (Or actually 13 years this coming Monday) I think it is only right for Gary to get up and do some work around the house! We both work outside the home 40 hours a week so it is only right that he help inside the house as well. I have to say that he does all the outside work, I do help on occasion, so I don't expect him to do "half" the work in the house. But I DO expect him to get up and move to help when he sees something that needs to be done instead of just leaving it there for me to get to when I have the time. I am thankful it has worked out as well as it has. But I do remember that feeling of inadequacy several years ago.
Your thinking on your feet when you said you aren't going to share these feelings with him! *laugh* That would Soo NOT be a good thing! :)
if you were sitting on your bum watching him do all the work around the house that would be one thing, but I am quiet certain that isn't the case. So I says just take it for what it is and accept his help and think of all the other things you can do with your time after the daily routines are done!
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